Jan 20, 2020

Been doing a lot of reading, genius'ing, listening/watching the video/song on repeat, etc., and there's so much going on in this song that a breakdown is warranted.

imo, this is Eminem's most clever/intelligent track he's ever made (and possibly the lyrically deepest layered track oat tbph)...

It took me several times of listening before I started to pick on on the parallels between the dual meanings of the song, so if ya haven't listened to the track a few times and seen the video yet, then prolly stop reading this now and go listen & watch (in that order)..

Spoiler: high-level

throughout the first 2 verses + chorus, Eminem draws a close parallel between his fears/anxieties/experiences as an aging artist (or possibly when he was a new/struggling artist), and links them to the Las Vegas 2017 mass shooting at the Mandalay Bay hotel, by Stephen Paddock. According to wiki, 22,000 people were in attendance to the country music festival; Paddock killed 59 people (including himself), and hit 413 others. Thousands of rounds of ammunition were fired; 23 rifles (mostly all with bump stocks) + 1 pistol were found in his room thereafter; it was a highly calculated attack and the deadliest shooting in u.s. history

the entire track (save for a handful of bars at the end) tell 2 stories with the same lyrics + the dual metaphors within each line...this track is absolutely crazy

Spoiler: lyrical breakdown/intention here

i'm going to breakdown the dualities/double entendres of each bar between Eminem + Paddock

I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness anymore

Spoiler: hook

Eminem: interpretation is that Em doesn't want to lose what he's had throughout his career. Fear of being left behind and/or losing his fame, or more-narrowly as depicted in the lyrics to follow, he's afraid of nobody showing up to his performance and the venue being dark/empty.
Less likely, given the rest of the content of the track, but this could also be interpreted as more of a personal-life fear of his: being alone with his emotions, dying alone, not finding love, etc..

Paddock: these bars hit harder on mental illness and/or the bottling up of thoughts of committing such an atrocity as doing what Paddock later did.

Here I am, alone again
Can't get out of this hole I'm in
It's like the walls are closin' in
You can't help me, no one can

Spoiler

Eminem: depression

Paddock: more on his potential mental illness, thoughts of killing, etc.

I can feel these curtains closin'
I go to open 'em
But something pulls 'em closed again

Spoiler

Eminem: fear of the curtains closing on stage and on his career; losing control of what he once had in his prime; possible depression/anxieties here as well -- as soon as he sees a light at the end of the tunnel, that tunnel extends and he's s----d back into his dark thoughts

Paddock: more on the mental darkness/issues (similar to eminem's description above of being unable to escape the feelings) + also interpretation of him sitting in the hotel room, pulling open and close the curtains of his window overlooking the festival. Eminem's physically putting himself in the shoes of paddock at this point, envisioning the possibility that paddock was contemplating his decision and questioning if he should or shouldn't go through with it

Feels like I'm loathing in Las Vegas
Haven't got the vaguest why I'm so lost

Spoiler

Reference to the film Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
2nd line is a play on words of Vegas (vaguest) and Las (lost) + also emphasizes the lack of control that both Eminem & the shooter have in their own lives

...this also starts to tie in the double entendre of the track even closer: it sets the scene in Las Vegas where the shooting occured

But I'd make you this small wager
If I bet you I'll be in tomorrow's paper
Who would the odds favor?

Spoiler

continuation of the Las Vegas reference, placing a bet (wager)

Paddock: the odds are finally in his favor -- he knows what he's about to do and there's nothing anybody can do to stop it.

I'm so much like my father, you would think that I knew him

Spoiler

Eminem: no surprises here -- eminem never knew his father and has held a chip on his shoulder throughout most of his life due to this

Paddock: Stephen Paddock's father, Benjamin Paddock was arrested when he was just 6 years old for a bank robbery and was sentenced to prison, where he later escaped and was placed on the FBI's top 10 most wanted list for some time. At the time of his initial arrest, Stephen's mother told him that his father was dead.
There was a quick 1-second clip of a man wearing prison orange in handcuffs in the video + finger prints being taken, representing Paddock's father here.

...neither Eminem nor Stephen knew their fathers, and yet they turned out so much like them

I keep pacin' this room, Valium, then chase it with booze
One little taste, it'll do
Maybe I'll take it and snooze, then tear up the stage in a few

Spoiler

Eminem: pacing, heart racing, drug use in the green room of his venue; typical behavior of his prior to performing a show;
"tear up the stage" = crushing his performance

Paddock: pacing in his hotel room, popping pills, mentally preparing himself for what he's about to do -- "tear up the stage in a few" = shooting up the stage/crowd

f--- the Colt 45, I'ma need somethin' stronger
If I pop any caps, it better be off of vodka

Spoiler

Eminem: his abuse with substances... Colt 45 = malt liquor; says he's gonna need something stronger than beer

Paddock: Colt 45 = a .45 pistol; saying a pistol won't be enough for what he's about to do...

Round after round after round, I'm gettin' loaded
That's a lot of shots, huh?

Spoiler

Eminem: substance abuse (alcohol)

Paddock: physically "loading" bullets (rounds) into his rifles in the hotel room

And I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness anymore

Now I'm starin' at the room service menu off a benzo
I can hear the music continue to crescendo
I can see the whole f---in' venue from my window
That's when you know you're schizo
'Cause I keep peekin' out the curtain from the hotel
The music is so loud
But it's almost as though I don't hear no sound

Spoiler

Eminem: placing himself pre-stage-appearance still; mentally preparing himself to perform a show

Paddock: pre-shooting actions in the hotel room. he's listening from his window, hearing the festival begin, peeking in and out between the curtains still in anticipation

both individuals are in their own minds so deep at this point that they aren't fully aware of their surroundings

more mentions of the hotel at this point, starting to shift from purely a double entendre and now focusing on paddock's events

I should get ready for the show now
Wait, is this the whole crowd? I thought this s--- was sold out
But it's only the opening act, it's early, don't overreact
Then something told me relax
And just hope for the show to be packed

Spoiler

Eminem: anxiety with one day (or possibly in his early stages) having his shows not sell out, have empty seats, and him acknowledging that he's washed up and done

Paddock: anxiety that his plan will fall apart entirely if nobody shows up to the festival, or if there's even just a mediocre crowd

Don't wanna hit the stage before they fill each row to the max
'Cause that'd be totally wack
You can't murder a show nobody's at
But what if nobody shows? Panic mode
'Bout to snap and go motherfuckin' wacko at any second

Spoiler

Eminem: Waiting behind the curtains, refusing to go on stage until the venue is packed; he deserves more than a non-sold-out show
"hit the stage" = go on stage
"can't murder a show nobody's at" = if nobody is there to see you crush a show, then it's as if it didn't even happen

Paddock: waiting in his hotel room until the venue hits is high point
"hit the stage" = s---t up the crowd
"can't murder a show nobody's at" = the obvious: he's fixing to k--- as many people as possible

'Bout to cancel the show just as fans below rush the entrance
Plan is a go to wreck s---, cameras in all directions

Spoiler

Eminem: contemplating not even going on stage for his performance and canceling the show entirely since there aren't enough people there to fit his liking/standard/stardom. in the final moments, however, the crowd rushes in and he gives himself the greenlight to perform.
"cameras in all directions" = the fans' camera phones + media that will now be playing witness to his performance of a lifetime

Paddock: contemplating calling the whole thing off if there aren't enough targets
"cameras in all directions" = paddock actually did place a camera in the hallway so he could monitor law enforcement as they approached his hotel room door

The press is 'bout to go ape s---, bananas on all the networks

Spoiler

ape s--- + bananas = play on each other

Eminem: the venue's now at capacity, he's hyped tf up, and is about to go put on the performance of his lifetime. the news/blogs tomorrow will be raving (going bananas) of how much he spazzed (went ape s---)

Paddock: the venue's at capacity, he knows what's about to happen next: the news will be going crazy (go bananas) about what he's about to do (go ape s---).
"bananas on all the networks" also has a triple entendre, as bananas = banana clips. Paddock knows that this will spark gun reform discussion, and banana clips, semi-automatic rifles, bump stocks, etc., will be across all news networks

Commando with extra clips, I got ammo for all the Hecklers

Spoiler

Eminem: "ammo for all the hecklers" = will silence the critics with his performance
Paddock: "ammo for all the Hecklers" = Heckler & Koch, which is a gun manufacturer... Paddock has ammo for all of his weapons

I'm armed to the teeth, another Valium, fall off the bed
Hit the ground and crawl to the dresser

Alcohol on my breath as I reach for the scope

Spoiler

per the video, this double entendre is Eminem reaching for Scope mouthwash, while Paddock is reaching for a scope for one of his rifles..

I'm blackin' out, I'm all out of meds
With them benzodiazepines gone

Now it's just magazines sprawled out on the floor
f--- the media, I'm goin' all out, this is war

Spoiler

Eminem: both of these lines refer to physical hip-hop critic/review magazines (complex, XXL, etc.,); f--- the media -- he's about to prove that he's the goat and get the respect he deserves

Paddock: magazines = gun clips ("magazines"); f--- what everyone is about to say -- he's about to go to "war" against the innocents in the crowd

And I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness
I don't wanna be alone in the darkness anymore


People start to show up, time to start the show up
It's 10:05 PM and the curtain starts to go up
And I'm already sweatin', but I'm locked and loaded
For rapid fire spittin' for all the concert-goers
Scopes for sniper vision, surprise from out of nowhere

Spoiler

Eminem: it's 10:05 and he's going on stage as the curtains rise. he's nervous, but he's ready to crush the show and surprise everyone with his talent/performance

Paddock: Stephen Paddock started his shooting at 10:05p, and concluded it at 10:15p. it's unclear why the shooting stopped at 10:15p, as his hotel door wasn't breached until much later.

Spoiler: the rest of verse 3

From here down, the lyrics make a full transition and shifts almost entirely to depict the actions that took place in the hotel room at the Mandalay Bay at the time of the shooting; the parallels/entendres between Eminem as an artist and Paddock as a mass murderer end here

To further emphasize this train of thought, in the video, Eminem is wearing a similar outfit as the individual in the hotel room (gray hoodie over his head). It isn't until this moment of the hoodie being unveiled that we're exposed to the character not being Eminem, but rather Stephen Paddock. It's at this same point in both the audio & video that the glass shatters, representing the big unveil. This sequence represents that until this point, the story being told was about both individuals (Eminem & Paddock) simultaneously, as we can now depict that the character was intended to represent both of them at the same time, without the audience (us) being in the know. Once revealed, the focal point of the lyrics & visuals are now focused strictly on Paddock and that the two characters are no longer the same person in the narrative moving forward.

As I slide the clip in from inside the hotel
Leanin' out the window, going Keyser Söze

Spoiler

at this point, Paddock smashed the window of his hotel room and started his shooting; Keyser Soze = character's name in the film The Usual Suspects...Keyser was a murderer

Finger on the trigger, but I'm a licensed owner
With no prior convictions, so law says sky's the limit
So my supply's infinite, strapped like I'm a soldier

Spoiler

enter the political statement Eminem is attempting to make:
all of Paddock's weapons, ammunition, scopes, & bump stocks were legally purchase. He had no history with the law, so in the US, the sky's the limit for what he's able to legally obtain.

...potential reference back to Eminem here though: "supply's infinite" could be a reference to his first album, Infinite.
+ another reference to eminem's discovery with the "i'm a soldier" line, as this was the title of a track on The Eminem Show

Got 'em hopping over walls and climbing fences
Some of them John Travolta, staying alive by inches

Spoiler

456+ of the injuries incurred during the mass shooting were non-gunshot wound inflicted... there were a total of 59 deaths, & 869 injuries; of the 869, 413 were from gunfire, whereas the other 456 were from those attempting to flee the scene, getting trampled by the crowd stampede, etc.

John Travolta reference = the scene towards the end of Pulp Fiction where John Travolta's character was shot at at close range but every bullet narrowly missed him while he just stood there in disbelief

Cops are knockin', oh f---, thought I blocked the entrance

Spoiler

Paddock had screwed shut the emergency doorway down the hall of his hotel room door; the security guard on-site at the Mandalay Bay had noticed this prior to the shooting and had it removed, hence leading to the swat team/enforcement navigating to his hotel earlier than anticipated

Guess show time is over
No suicide note, just a note for target distance

Spoiler

at the scene of the crime, police found a notepad, where they were hoping would be a suicide note or a written motive, however, the only thing scribbled down on it was calculations for how to best attack the crowd: target zones + calculations accounting for his height & distance to the show so that he could calibrate his scope to accurately hit his targets

But if you'd like to know the reason why I did this
You'll never find a motive, truth is I have no idea
I am just as stumped, no signs of mental illness
Just tryin' to show ya the reason why we're so f-----

Spoiler

despite there being several indications of mental illness, paddock was never diagnosed with a mental illness. signs are there post-death, however, there was nothing noted in his medical records/history leading up to this;
interpretation: there was no real driver for the shooting; Paddock did it just to do it, or to just make the statement of showing that he simply could, so he did.

'Cause by the time it's over, won't make the slightest difference

Spoiler

probably the most powerful political statement of the song: nothing will change. there will be a cry for gun reform and mental illness prevention, but at the end of the day, the chatter and disbelief of the shooting will quiet down, and no action will be taken. this shooting will only further numb us to future occurrences and will just be one more shooting of the distant past.

 

Jan 20, 2020

@EminemSXN holla with more detail / disagreeances

 

Jan 20, 2020

Great post. The song just makes me nervous Em is about to s---t up his crowd one day. Wouldn't be the first time hes hinted at it. But even though im against gun control I don't mind his message. He did it in a way that wasn't attacking people like me. I love the album but this is the genius and creativity he needs to tap into more of.

 

Jan 22, 2020

I am genuinly curious how @Winter @Swizz @WPG feel about this

 

Jan 21, 2020

d---..... incredible

Now I need people calling u an idiot or a stupid stan