Aug 10, 2015

This last year of my life has been the happiest I've ever been. My life is finally looking like it's on track but I have no idea on how to keep things moving in a positive direction. Most of my life has been a struggle as far back as I can remember but it was always manageable bc I knew what to expect. Without all of the bs that I've overcome I have no idea on how to maintain this new lifestyle. Any advice? Similar stories?

 

Aug 10, 2015

Is there anything in your life that lights a fire under your belly aka makes you think "Thats not gonna be me I swear to it"?

 

Aug 10, 2015

Plenty of things. I have a beautiful caring girlfriend who takes good care of me, 2 beautiful children who can't get enough of me but I can't shake the feeling that ice done too many f----- up things to deserve these blessings. I've never had issues with admitting that Ive f----- up or made a mistake nor do I have trouble apologizing and working toward bettering my circumstances. It's only with accepting that I deserve to be happy do I struggle, I find myself looking for ways to f--- up or make a scene that could potentially destroy all I've worked towards and I'm tired of it. I know part of me is chasing the "thrill" of rebuilding my life from the ground up

 

Aug 10, 2015

Don't want to sound like a run-of-a-mill advice giver, but have you considered counseling?

 

Aug 10, 2015

I truly beleive that I need it but from past experiences with Im kind of not interested in it. I don't enjoy the idea of trying to find "the right counselor for me" when it takes a signifigantly amount of time getting to know if that person is good for you or not and not to mention the ridiculous fees. I've also been unemployed for the last 4 months,due to a layoff so affording it is out of the question momentarily.

 

Aug 10, 2015

Try meditating?

 

Aug 10, 2015

I tend to act out whenever I try new stuff

 

Aug 10, 2015

Smoke weed

 

Aug 10, 2015

I think you need to stop acting like a jackass and enjoy what you have. Cherish it. Take care of your girlfriend and your kids.

 

Aug 10, 2015

Whining about having a good life and being too happy

While others out there are struggling to find happiness...

Quit weeping and enjoy the good life and happiness while it lasts. Life is all about ups and downs, so when you get your ups try to enjoy the moment and make the most of it cause you never know when the next bump will hit you

That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and hold it
'Cause we consider these minutes golden



A beautiful wife and 2 kids, some people out there would give away an arm and a leg to have that.

 

Aug 10, 2015

It's more than that. Its more based in depression. Being happy doesn't make me sad I just don't really understand it tbh. You gwt used to living a certain way, in my case abuse; both physical and mental for a large part of my life and you get to a certain point of accepting that that's all it may ever be. I finally find what I've been looking for and on those good days, man...they're great but the I start wondering wh3n it's going to fall apart? I definitely don't deserve it, I've done nothing TO deserve it. It's alot of paranoia induced things. I need to be on meds/going to a councilor but can't afford it quite yet. Problem with being on meds is that it makes me feel vacant and sometimes takes a lot of experimenting on different meds before you find the right one. I prefer to do it sober but sometimes it's hard

 

Aug 10, 2015

Start a charitable foundation.

 

Aug 10, 2015

haha you sound like kanye during his yeezus recording sessions.

 

Aug 10, 2015

If I had his money though starting to think this thread was a bad idea..was hoping for more insightful thoughts

 

Aug 10, 2015

sounds like your daily dose of anxiety used to be rooted in your surroundings (prior physical and mental abuse). now that things are good you're expecting something to go wrong or feel out of place that things are stable. so you're worrying about not having anything to worry about. sounds like an anxiety disorder to me, dude. I experienced a very traumatic childhood and early-teen years, s--- left me with a daily-panic-attack anxiety disorder. My life was good, my friends were good, my relationship was good, I was doing fine in school, etc. but was trapped in an emotional state where I couldn't enjoy the positive things in my life.

started taking zoloft last year (2014) around March/April and have had my dosage increase from 25mg to 150mg. things finally stabilized when i hit 150mg. try talking to your doctor/if u have one. could be a chemical imbalance after years of trauma. like you said, you should be happy.

 

Aug 10, 2015

It's usually pretty controllable on my end but the last 4 months have been very hard to deal with. As soon as I get insurance again I'm going to see about these issues I've been dealing with. I just started a new job so I'm hoping that having something to do for the first time in 4 months will put me back in a semi normal state