How are these rap lyrics? (Please comment).

Started by The Eclipse, Jun 16, 2015, in Creative Add to Reading List

  1. The Eclipse
    Posts: 122
    Likes: 31
    Joined: Nov 26, 2014

    Jun 16, 2015
    I'm knocking on the door to no avail
    Our story was to be the perfect tale
    Now our paths remain a worthless trail

    It was all astors and roses
    All sunshine and rainbows
    The tides turned
    The castors nullified under our noses
    At first, the love was adjourned
    Then it culminated
    I guess this is what I've earned
    Mixed emotions
    From this world, I wish to be eliminated
    Wiped off, left, forgotten
    I can't look back, but I'm still so tempted
    Why was this relationship ever attempted?
    I wish to sever you in a sentence

    Wrote it to this beat:

    Notice the multis.

    Please let me know how this was.
     
    #1
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    May 9, 2025
  2. Oldboy
    Posts: 51,226
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    Joined: Feb 14, 2011

    Jun 16, 2015
    n----- you need a better poetic take on it

    im knocking on the door with no answer
    our story missing the final chapter
    all that remain of our paths is a fading laughter
     
    #2
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  3. WPG
    Posts: 11,861
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    Joined: Feb 15, 2011

    WPG sxn80 Rory Gilmore

    Jun 16, 2015
     
    #3
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    May 9, 2025
  4. The Eclipse
    Posts: 122
    Likes: 31
    Joined: Nov 26, 2014

    Jun 17, 2015
    Thanks, man.
     
    #4
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    May 9, 2025
  5. Bman
    Posts: 1,792
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    Joined: Mar 8, 2015

    Jun 18, 2015
    With that beat... DOPE.
     
    #5
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    The Eclipse likes this.
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  6. The Eclipse
    Posts: 122
    Likes: 31
    Joined: Nov 26, 2014

    Jun 19, 2015
    Thank you, man.
     
    #6
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    May 9, 2025