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Best Posts: important story by mike tyson (a story about police, females, liquor, determination)

  1. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
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    Joined: Feb 15, 2011

    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    go to the club one night and start talking to female. talking turns to drinking, drinking turns to talking in close quarters, which leads to extra curricular. but the more comfortable we get, the more we drinking

    [​IMG]

    now we on the dance floor, and i'm at the point where i'm too drunk to have any concern for my surroundings or who is looking. we look like rihanna and drake in the work video

    [​IMG]

    2am hits, club is closing and so i grab her outside the club and ask her what she's tryna get in to. i 100 have henny d-ck but hennything is possible so i'm trying dive between her legs like:

    [​IMG]

    she agrees to go home with me, so we walking to my whip and she starts insisting that she drives because i'm 'more drunk'. real talk, i'm faded so i reluctantly, but responsibly give her the keys. problem is she's drunk too, so it wasn't even responsible, but mans was fryyyy so it seemed like a good idea.

    b---- hops a curb on a right turn and sirens flash behind us. she starts panicking because we both drunk and i had open liquor in the car from the pre-drink and i decided to pour myself a night cap for the drive home since i wasn't driving anyways. but my fight or flight kicks in, i spill the drink on the floor mats, and hide the bottle under my seats. i look at her dead in the face and i tell her:

    Screen Shot 2017-04-06 at 7.00.17 PM.png

    she didn't. she didn't over come it. she got arrested for a DUI, and my car got impounded since i couldn't drive it home. walked home and passed out, picked up the car in the morning.

    i do not know this females name, i do not know if she made it out of jail, i do not know if she got charged, i do not know if she got a criminal record.

    RIP to that female, i went back to the club the next night for a friend's birthday. moral of the story is
    [​IMG]
     
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  2. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
    Likes: 63,071
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    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    she don't even know it, i never give my real name out at the club because my government name is HASMAN so it might as well be MUHAMMAD because girls think i'm a terrorist as soon as i tell them then i never get to smash

    i might have been pablo that night, i might have been miguel. i usually pick exotic names :laff:

    got my spanish ting convinced that i know spanish
     
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  3. Final
    Posts: 15,182
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    Final ⚘

    Apr 6, 2017
    b---- ever tells me I'm "more drunk" than her I'll slap the s--- out her and steal her f---ing car
     
    #10
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  4. Deadpool
    Posts: 40,384
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    Joined: Dec 23, 2014

    Deadpool the end

    Apr 6, 2017
    "i do not know this females name, i do not know if she made it out of jail, i do not know if she got charged, i do not know if she got a criminal record."

    reminds me of

    "i did not have sexual intercourse with that women"
     
    #2
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  5. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
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    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    i got another story about how i beat a DUI after getting pulled over and breathalyzed but i'll save that for another thread, it's more serious than comedic anyways.
     
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  6. Bourbon Ben
    Posts: 39,239
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    Joined: Jan 23, 2016

    Bourbon Ben Mad pooper

    Apr 6, 2017
    for the rest of her life, she just gonna scream ur name in anguish right before she falls asleep
     
    #3
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  7. aquaberryares
    Posts: 7,473
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    Joined: Dec 23, 2014

    aquaberryares one time I made sex

    Apr 6, 2017
    This a major key :laff: real talk all u gotta do with these white broads is call em mami every couple sentences and be slightly brown they think they gettin sum exotic latin d-ck
     
    #16
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  8. Big Dangerous
    Posts: 23,832
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    Big Dangerous World Heavyweight Champion

    Apr 6, 2017
    shutup cac

    team iron mike 4 lyfe
     
    #14
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  9. Final
    Posts: 15,182
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    Final ⚘

    Apr 6, 2017
    Imagine letting a female drive drunk for you bruh you ain't even a man wtf
     
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  10. aquaberryares
    Posts: 7,473
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    aquaberryares one time I made sex

    Apr 6, 2017
    Its a miracle i dont drive into the gulf of Mexico every saturday
     
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  11. aquaberryares
    Posts: 7,473
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    aquaberryares one time I made sex

    Apr 6, 2017
    Think i already told the story bout the broad that i got f----- up wit once at the bar and tried to smash but i ended up whiskey dickin and she threw up on my fresh j's after i drover her dumbass home
     
    #20
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  12. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
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    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    i'm brown skin with green eyes, girls don't even know bro

    i'm a different ethnicity every weekend
     
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  13. Final
    Posts: 15,182
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    Final ⚘

    Apr 6, 2017
    Yea support a dude that let's women drive drunk
    Also possibly ruins their life cause he can't handle his liquor and or take charge
    This man is Drake in the flesh

    [​IMG]
     
    #17
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  14. Bourbon Ben
    Posts: 39,239
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    Bourbon Ben Mad pooper

    Apr 6, 2017
    imagine not getting obliterated and taking an uber
     
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  15. aquaberryares
    Posts: 7,473
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    aquaberryares one time I made sex

    Apr 6, 2017
    :whew: u next level wit the cac eye color
     
    #26
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  16. Flacko
    Posts: 21,156
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    Flacko Too Blessed To Be Humble

    Apr 6, 2017
    I been using Flacko a lot lately irl
     
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  17. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
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    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    guaranteed pato the name i'ma use next, at least one pato in this world will have smashed
     
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  18. Bourbon Ben
    Posts: 39,239
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    Bourbon Ben Mad pooper

    Apr 6, 2017
    Mike tyson while she was driving:
    I cant handle no liquor
    but these b------s cant handle meeeeeeeeeeeee
     
    #23
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  19. Flacko
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    Flacko Too Blessed To Be Humble

    Apr 6, 2017
     
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  20. Mike Tyson
    Posts: 20,023
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    Mike Tyson big cuntry's alias

    Apr 6, 2017
    :laff: goat, all the punjabis gotta use this tactic
     
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