Oct 31, 2015

he's texting me now
he's not even f---ing mad this doesn't seem normal. it really seems like something he should be pissed about, ESPECIALLY if he was truly joking like he said. he has this weird eerie calmness to him right now. it's so unlike him.

 

Oct 31, 2015

theg you need to meet with him in person and just chill
smoke a blunt and discuss life and s--- and find out whats going on in his head..

just talk

my friend told me awhile back that i stopped him from committing suicide once and i didn't know wtf he was talking about until he told me it was that night he texted me at like 1am and we ending up texting for like a few hours.. i remember the conversation being very real and dark but i had no idea that it stopped him from doing some f----- up s---.. and all i did was reply to him in the middle of the night and start talking

it really sucks that the police got his family involved in it now or that they know something is up.. cause that does change things.. but i still think you can have a eye to eye conversation with the dude and possibly help him get it off his chest if he is even conscience enough to realize he's sick

 

Oct 31, 2015

we're trying to get him to go over to the other guys house tonight.. i mean i know him well enough to know two things 1, he won't go. especially after what just happened because he's smart enough to know we're going to talk about it (even if we say we wont and we just want to all hang out like old times) and 2) even if he did go over he'd put on an act like we're really helping him and he sees clearly now and hes going to get help just to try and get us to f--- off. i know him too well but yeah we're trying to get him over there anyway tonight.

 

Oct 31, 2015

yea just don't spring it on him like your about to have an intervention or some gay s---

just kick it and play some video games n s--- and then after a few hours pass kinda start trying to talk about real s--- .. talk about your own life

try not to make it seem like "OMG YOU ARE SUICIDAL I MUST HELP YOU" cause yes that will only make him lol @ you guys

 

Oct 31, 2015

yeah we were trying to kind of avoid that nonsense which is why we didnt want his family involved hes not that kind of person that that will be effective with

i know its not going to make a difference but im not done trying yet

 

Oct 31, 2015

He sounds like a calm but stubborn person. I think you need to beat the s--- out of him and I'm not joking. No guarantee that will help but a sudden state of shock can make him snap out of it for a second and see things clearly


I remember hearing on the radio they were interviewing some guy who had tried to attempt suicide once by jumping off a bridge. He didn't jump he was on the bridge about to and some guy was walking by and tried to convince him to get off by talking sense and calmly but it wasn't working and then some woman who was walking her dog happened to walk past and started crying a losing her s--- because of the horror she was witnessing. She was more hysterical than the jumper himself and he said in the interview that seeing someone who was making a bigger deal out of this than himself made him suddenly snap out of it and feel selfish. He stepped down and that was that


Of course everyone's different but as you say yourself, gently going about things like inviting him to chill isn't gonna work with this guy he needs to see your desperation


Inb4 this is some sort of Halloween prank

 

Oct 31, 2015

Definitely do everything in your power to have a heart to heart conversation.

Hope this works out. Was tough reading the OP. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

Oct 31, 2015

its not a prank for once i'm actually being 100% serious. and even if i wanted to i couldnt beat him up. he's been a f---ing tank since the 7th grade and the last 5 or so years hes been training in boxing. me and my friends used to always have fist fights growing up for fun because we're scoundrels but he was the one person i never ever beat and hes only gotten bigger and stronger since then. not that i think that would do any good anyway

 

Oct 31, 2015

I got a mate in a similar position. He's said suspect depressed s--- for years on end, the biggest was a few years back when he said "I just think that, depression is something I'll have to deal with daily, i don't see it going away".
like a few years back he was one of my best mates and we'd hang/chill once a week minimum with the other boys as ya do. Now, he's almost impossible to contact, doesn't own a phone, goes on facebook once a year (but doesn't reply to you anyway) literally everyone who knew him, doesn't know a single thing about him anymore because he's become like a house dweller or something. He does go to uni, apparently. So I guess that's good. But its so strange that this guy had like 5 really close mates, now he doesn't talk to anybody.

The hardest most f---ing frustrating part is that you have no power. I've spoken to all my friends that were close with him and discussed things like "okay, this guy is obviously having some sorta problems with depression we need to help him" we all agreed and tried to do things, like just at least get him out of the house and socializing a bit. but, we literally can't do s--- unless we forcibly remove him from his own home and drag him to a public place - highly doubt that will be mentally empowering for him.

I wish I could give you advice, but I really can't. The only reason i "got over" this, is because so much crazy life s--- started happening to me, that his issues fell lower on my priority list. It's pretty cold, but that's just how it was/is. Still sits in the back of my mind, can't shake that feeling of "what if he commits" and i know it's gonna k--- me.

 

Oct 31, 2015

that sucks man. this was so out of left field for me, there was no years of buildup. it just happened one day. i was shocked and pretty pissed at myself that I thought his earlier texts were just jokes. i know him too well to think this is a cry for attention. he wouldnt do something like this just to get people to pay attention to him. he just wouldn't. idk this thread wasnt asking for help per sey because there's nothing more I can do other than what we've been doing and trying to keep in contact with him. It was more of a thread to vent about the f---ing bs the police pulled.

I f---ing told them that he was talking about a trip, and told them I know him better than anyone in the world and I know he wouldn't do anything in his home with his family there. If he was going to do it he'd do it out in a field or something where he'd either never be found or if he was it'd look like an accident. They disregarded everything I said and actually it turns out that when we called him he was working out (which i take as a good sign, if he's keeping up his workout routine and finishing exams i'm hopeful he's still hanging on to something) but the police, despite me f---ing telling them he's not at risk as long as he's home, completely f----- everything up.

my whole thing was we needed to get him away from his family and alone where he could accept the help without feeling weak. It's f---ing useless to find him alive and assess him and ask him to accept help if he's in a defensive situation where he's not comfortable to say he needs it. They completely f----- it all up and now I don't have another chance. I even told them that he was going to be very calm and collected and say he doesn't need help. They told me it's likely that he'd be taken in despite that due to the texts. He wasn't and now he's just a time bomb. I'm f---ing sad that my best friend in the world is going through this and feels like he needs to do something drastic, but he's the kind of person that if he was going through this he would need to be approached in a very specific way. His mind works differently. They f----- it up and now there's no chance.

 

Oct 31, 2015

i guess basically i can sum it up as the cops were more concerned about getting to him right away rather than making sure he gets the help he needs. i told them (and the officer i spoke to last night at around midnight agreed based on what I told her) that he was in no immediate risk. I didn't want to bum rush him and embarrass and piss him off. I wanted to maximize the probability of him being comfortable enough to accept the help, not rush to the first opportunity to present it. If they had f---ing listened to me and waited, he'd probably be in care right now. He was f---ing working out so he didn't answer his phone when my friend called him. If we had waited a f---ing hour and either called him back or let him call back we'd be in a different position now. The second we got his answering machine their actual words were "Send a text. We'll wait 5 minutes to see if he replies but we can't wait all day. We're dispatching. If he replies let us know and we'll come back."

 

Oct 31, 2015

Yeah I feel you. It's the worst though, because all you can do is watch and it seems like every time you try to do something, it just goes nowhere or makes things worse. I feel like Police need more training in general, or need to go through more thorough mental tests, rather than physical ones. They get taught how to deal with the law but their people skills are often ridiculously s--- - which is why there's such a huge divide between police and people atm, imo. Like, i dunno, i just sorta feel like they should be trained to handle situations where people with mental issues are in need of help. Because it seems as if their training is solely based around "make an arrest, or bring someone in under your custody no matter what!"

 

Oct 31, 2015

or at the very least have a team of trained professionals on hand to deal with these situations specifically.

also, it's f---ing insane that someone can say anything they want then just tell the police "No, I don't need help. It's cool. I was joking anyway." and be able to be completely ignored from that point forward. It's f---ing insane. There were actual professionals assessing my friend but because he said he was joking there was nothing they could do legally with him. They had no option. It's a combination of that, along with the fact that the police put him in the worst possible position to accept the help. If we went with the plan me and our friend came up with I really believe he would have accepted it but they f---ing did it in his front porch with his family in the house. Of course he's not going to say "yeah im disturbed I need help" what the f--- kind of pressure is that? I wanted him to be one on one with someone he didn't know that he could confide in and admit that he needs help without being self conscious. The fact that the laws prevented him from being forced to take the help despite the fact that he denied it (due to police f---ing it up) is insane to me.

 

Nov 1, 2015

The way Police handle things sometimes is nonsense. A few months ago where I live, a woman was beaten to death by her husband... the most tragic part is that our state is now pushing this big media "Domestic Violence kills people", "Tara Brown died to domestic Violence"
When in reality, Tara Brown felt scared for her life, went to the police a week earlier and the Police did nothing. absolutely f---ing nothing. I mean, what do you reckon, she died because domestic violence is ravaging our country, or she died because our cops are lazy fucken a--- holes?

 

Nov 1, 2015

It's f---ing crazy. There's a huge campaign going on in my province right now and for the last few years about mental health and mental health awareness and trying to make people comfortable to come forward and admit there may be a problem and get help with it. The police actually even said to us before this happened "theres only so much we can do its not always as simple as him saying hes going to k--- himself like your friend theres a huge epidemic going on here now about mental health issues" and its just like no f---ing wonder you stupid c----. i wish all of them would go f---ing off themselves so the people who REALLY need the help get it regardless of if they "want it" or not.

It's so f---ing r-----ed that you ask a suicidal person if they're ok and if they say yes you just say aight b do you and go on your way. it's mind blowing.

 

Nov 1, 2015

this is so f----- up i keep picking up my phone to text my friend about this crazy past 24 hours I had reconnecting with our old high school friend and spending 14 hours in a car with him driving around and popping by his place every hour-half hour to make sure he didn't leave on his "trip" yet

but i can't because he's the one we were checking up on

 

Nov 1, 2015

Stuff like this is painful for me to even talk about and I try to avoid these discussions more often than not(even avoided this thread for a bit...) since I was depressed and suicidal for longer than I'd like to admit...But let me just say theg, I think you handled this very well and did the right thing. Based off your story, it does sound like he was at least depressed, maybe suicidal.

Also unfortunately what you said near the end is true, if a person reacts in a calm manner and can play things off as if they're cool, they'll often be let go, I actually did this once too. A former coworker/friend had called the cops on me and they took me into some regular hospital and were planning to send me to a mental hospital, but I had already been to the mental hospital a few weeks earlier and I certainly didn't want to go again (place is awful and doesn't help most people), so they had someone ask me a bunch of questions and I BS'ed my way through it and they eventually let me go that same night. I told them about some plans I had later that week (plans that were made up btw) so it sounded like I had things to look forward to or whatever, I figured that might convince them that I'm not lying.

Anyways I don't really know what you should do from here man, your friend sounds kinda difficult to fully understand at times especially with how you guys often joke around. So I mean imo you can't know for sure that he's really feeling that way but obviously you still gotta take it seriously..I'm guessing you already did this but just let him know you'll be there for him no matter what the situation is and you'd be glad to talk with him if he ever needs it. Also it probably wouldn't hurt to try to do some fun stuff with him in the near future(without bringing up the depression/suicide s---) just so he can get his mind off things if he does indeed have problems.

 

Nov 1, 2015

definitely man. it's weird because even when i thought he was joking and it didnt occur to me that he might be serious, when i'd say things like "don't do it man" or "you need to talk to someone" he'd either never respond and i'd text him the next day about a new topic or something, or he'd completely change the subject all together like "holy s--- i just saw xxxx from Jr High" or something to that effect. I wasn't completely paying attention to the subject because it wasn't a concern but it's s--- knowing that I didnt realize he was serious sooner. I'm in no way blaming myself because I know that it doesn't make a difference if we would have done this a week or two ago or now, the kind of person he is, he's always calculated and he never goes into any situation without thinking. the only weak spot I've ever known him to have is being embarrassed and that's when he'd usually get in fights. but that wasn't frequent. i honestly don't know if we'd have gone with my plan about getting him alone he'd have taken the help, but that would have definitely been our best shot and I really just feel idk

i really want to feel angry but i dont. its like i said earlier in the OP im just numb to the whole situation. i dont feel anything towards it. it's kind of like when I was dealing with a family member with cancer when i was a big younger in my early/mid teens. you just kind of have to s--- it up and deal with it, knowing they have an issue that you can't help or heal in any way. it's f----- up but that's what i equate it to, especially with him. it's something we all know is there but there's nothing that can be done at this point. we're just waiting for the day.

 

Nov 1, 2015

man i just want to thank everyone who took the time to humor me and read that long-as-f--- OP. I f--- around here a lot and I do cross some lines that I know going into it that I shouldn't cross, but I just want to thank anyone that even takes the time to read that long a--- blog post I wrote. I know I probably wouldn't read it if it was most of you. But I'm a s-----y person I guess. Thank you for your time. Reading it at all means a lot to me on a genuine level. people that reply mean even more.


Thank you.