Jan 31, 2016 Yeah, even though they still seem awkward both of those are wayyyy better than "friend zone".
Jan 31, 2016 Excuse my semantics then. The least you could do, though, is judge the situation by what I wrote down than what I put in the title. Seems pretty shallow
Jan 31, 2016 None of those are really based around a situation like mine though. I'd prefer to get real responses to what is actually happening in my life, of course that doesn't work if people don't actually read the f---ing post before commenting. It's fine if people don't want to comment, or have an opinion that I may not like, but they could at least read the OP.
Jan 31, 2016 Sorry, friend zone just screams "I have no idea how to take hints or make moves, and I'm too insecure to open up so I blame this abstract, imaginary concept that doesn't really exist for my mistakes." I'll read and see if I can help with anything though
Jan 31, 2016 I appreciate it. You'll see that I'm not blaming anything. I got to this point through a combination of becoming friends while she was in a serious relationship, unfortunate circumstances leading to depression and anti-social activity from myself, and sure, probably not being forward enough. But I will say that I wasn't forward after they broke up because I didn't want her to look on me badly for it; wouldn't you feel kind of betrayed if, right after breaking up with your boyfriend, your really good friend tries to swoop in and hook up or take advantage of your vulnerability in that time? EDIT: I even changed the title for you
Jan 31, 2016 ok no you f----- up, getting it to a relationship is borderline impossible now You're overthinking it though, just be honest and straight forward about it. She will appreciate that, at least after the period of uncertainty. You know her better than we do, so you should also know if you're putting your current friendship at risk or not (or if you care about it). If she denies, you just tell her you accept it, and that you will try to move on to other people. She shouldn't try to cut ties with you unless she still thinks you're in a conflict about where to take your relationship. And if she does, she's not worth keeping in touch with.
Jan 31, 2016 fr tho i just read that op and like, really you need to either just say something straight up or forget it completely. this "dropping hints" nonsense is for sissies. dont pussyfoot around just straight up call or text her (obv better to do it in person but that options not available) and tell her your thoughts. you're not gonna get anywhere hinting. if you want a relationship with her you gotta realize that that ends the friendship one way or the other. if you're cool with that then go ahead and go all in, and if you're not willing to risk that then fall back and live with it pretty much. you're at a disadvantage though if shes been out doing hookups and f---ing on the regular after getting out of a long distance relationship, she'll probably be hesitant to enter another one right away. i dont really like, subscribe to the whole "love" and "fate" thing, but i guess if she feels the same way about you and its meant to be she'll wait
Jan 31, 2016 Thank you, I appreciate the honest answer. I agree that that night seems bad in retrospect, but you also need the context that I knew she would feel really guilty about hooking up with anyone while she was still in a relationship, and that's what would have ruined the friendship. We weren't necessarily thinking that it wouldn't be worth it to take the friendship to the next level. Does that make sense? At this point I don't really care about putting the friendship at risk. We've spent a lot of good times together and I value her as a friend, but we also did drift a bit and I feel like I would rather know if it could have been more in the last year of school than continuing with a friendship that could continue to drift and will definitely once school ends. So you think I should just be honest and tell her straight up how I feel?
Jan 31, 2016 This is usually the best way to go about it, no matter what. Mind games just leads to more problems.
Jan 31, 2016 thanks for the advice dude. I'm leaning towards just being straight up with her like you say, but I really don't want to do it while I'm still here in Scotland. You're probably right that she wouldn't want to enter into another long-distance relationship, and I don't particularly want to either. I guess I'll just have to hope she doesn't find someone she actually likes while I'm gone and just continues to superficially hook up.
Jan 31, 2016 i mean you can hope she won't find anyone else if you want but that really just sounds like an excuse because you want to put off doing it. she doesn't know that you want to be in a relationship with her and isn't going to wait around for you to get back or ask your permission before dating someone. a year is a long time
Jan 31, 2016 From reading and from my understanding you have a year to get your head right why not just take that time to prepare for her potentially rejecting you or what ever it is that you're afraid of because it's obviously something if you reached out to a forum for advice lol. Secondly.. long distance is iffy I've only been with one girl my entire life I met her on World of Warcraft around age 10 and I am 18 now and we're still together bare in mind not much a 10 year old potentially could know so my situation is different I suppose but it was very very tedious being so far away from someone you care about. So why not just not push anything towards her for the time you guys are apart and try and work something out when you're actually face to face like you had mentioned? - Also you mentioned she was already in a long distance relationship so if you try and seem subtle now and throw anything her way she will probably reject you just due to the distance because from the information given it seems like that's why she left her previous relationship to begin with. I recommend you wait until you're face to face and try being your self and smiling if she's cool with chilling with you odds are that would be the easiest way of getting to her on a mental level then just poke at questions around the question you're trying to get to like "are you seeing anyone?" if she says no continue with what you was wanting to ask by saying something like "Maybe you want to go and do something some sometime on a more personal level." girls are pretty confusing and being I don't know the girl personally I can't tell her type but you seem to have a very decent personality so s---t for the moon buddy..
Jan 31, 2016 can i just interject and say it should not take you a year to get over the butterflies in your stomach and prepare for rejection? for real if she says no move on and get some qt scottish gf. you shouldn't need a year to prep yourself on the off chance she's still available when you see her again and she happens to say no to you. nip it in the bud.
Jan 31, 2016 I stated this the way I did based on what he said he said "I don't really like going out" and he mentioned "Lonely" so I was just giving him peace of mind in even the lowest of situations. Of course it shouldn't take him that long to get over a girl never ever but if he meets a girl in scottland he is in the same boat he goes back home and now he has a long distance relationship with a girl in scottland.
Jan 31, 2016 like, i guess, but waiting a year is going to do no one any favors in his situation. having peace of mind that he can wait a year and theres still a chance isnt going to help because every day that he doesnt say anything is another day she can go out and find someone else. if OP isnt going to be back to see her for a year he should just get it overwith asap and either it goes his way or it doesnt but at least he has his answer then
Jan 31, 2016 Should be around 5-6 months. @theg I feel like my chances of being successful are probably worse if I do it while I'm still here, though.
