Aug 14, 2015

Me and my friend, are looking for some feedback on some lyrics we wrote together, tell us what you think, he's really interested in hearing your opinions:....

That girl next door,

First time or the last time.
Like your reaching to elevator doors before they slam shut
so your mind dazes all about like a day dream


You're all tripppin to think you could find her in one life time
Its about the rule not the acception
Take my my song and give another listen

So my story goes
red headed girl thats seems to good for you probably wont get in just yet
Daddy warned her all the time
That boy is what you should stay clear of

nothing is enough.
Even Making contact, anything she takes back,
The smallest reaction you starting to take action making you all fustrated

Cant stop motion you're full focus is taking notice.


imagine all the twist and turn
all your emotions swirl and twerl
Gut renching
What roller coaster ride
So on the inside everything subsides im being pulled out by the tide
Like all my worries just got washed aside

In a way that you wouldnt imagine
Something we expected could never happen, trapped in the act from first contact,
surreal,
how did it become this real

From all to much or not enough,
I found my lust that i can also trust

So lets cut to a scene that seems obscene.....

 

Aug 15, 2015

I have no idea how to critique lyrics tbh. It may look good on paper but sometimes that doesn't mean it'd turn out good either.

Sorry mate.

 

Aug 15, 2015

Thats cool, i only posted it because it was the first song he ever wrote and he kept asking me to post it somewhere that feedback could be given....