Nov 10, 2017

my sister suddenly died like...I don’t know like two weeks ago and I don’t know how to actually handle it anymore. I don’t know what this feeling is. She’s just not here and I don’t get it and I cry a lot and feel numb sometimes. My chest hurts so much. I just I don’t know. Is she okay? How do I know? Does life get any sort of better after something like this? Is there a grief tracker so I can see how much longer I have left?

 

Nov 10, 2017

Sorry to hear that fam. I haven't had anyone in my immediate family die so IDK exactly how you feel but when I was younger, around 17, I was riding a bus home and I saw this kid I went to school with. I dapped him up, got off the bus, and went home to take a nap. Didn't think much of it. I wake up and my moms tell me someone got shot up the street. I go out to see what happening and I found out it was the kid I went to school with. Got shot during a botched robbery. It hit me hard because I just saw him. He wasn't involved in anything; he ran track, went to church, had a kid and s---. I was numb for a while after that. Angry that a good person who did nothing to no one would be killed for a few dollars.

He wasn't as close to me as my sisters are but from my experience the only thing that's going to make it better is time. You just have to lean on your family and be there for them as well. I don't think it's ever going to not s--- but it'll definitely get better.

 

Nov 10, 2017

this probably won't help any but I hope u feel better soon! hang on and take your time

 

Nov 11, 2017

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There is no grief tracker really and you can't really force it to go away it'll go once you're ready to move on.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but take your time and talk to friends, family or professionals about it if you feel overwhelmed and need help coping with such a loss of this magnitude.

 

Nov 11, 2017

The five stages of grief

1.Denial/shock

2.Anger

3.Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance.

 

Nov 12, 2017

I think I’m better today but I just look at her empty room and I feel a bit like I took half a step back. She was sick so it’s not like she was shot or something but I had to call 911 and had to give her CPR so I just have weird dreams about it sometimes. My mom and I felt her spirit leave so it’s just weird. And she’s ashes now. I spread them but....it’s like I can’t even hold her hand or talk to her and I cried so much I nearly put myself in the hospital from a f---ing stress ulcer somehow. But yeah, today is better. Good thing Eminem and Beyoncé released a collab. Might have killed myself or something lol. Not really. But yeah, maybe. I don’t know.

The stages of grief. Jesus I feel like I go through all five steps in the space of an hour most days. I guess I’m at the acceptance stage. Definitely went through the depression stage. That period where I couldn’t understand why it was my sister instead of Trump had to be the bargaining stage. But I can’t be done that fast. This has gotta be a pinball type of thing rather than slowly progressing through each stage.