May 11, 2015

It's definitely an emotional and dangerous state to be in, but man when you overcome it there is no greater feeling.

I've seen some f----- up s--- in my life that could of made me depressed all over again, but nothing comes in comparison to how I felt during my first major encounter with depression.

I was a college dropout. I never would of imagined being a college dropout would of done so much damage to me mentally until I realized it afterwards. I wasn't on any drugs or anything during that whole time, but I did punish myself by not sleeping and working 24/7. I wasn't eating, socializing or even practicing proper hygiene. I was 6'1" weighing 100 pounds. I maintained that lifestyle for a almost 2 years.

 

May 11, 2015

i used to have freinds but dont anymore seeing people talking and having fun makes u sad ive moved so much thats its really fuked me up making friends now is near impossible

 

May 11, 2015

Not easy to make real friends man. You can have associates & be friendly with alot of people but there not really your friends or people u can trust.

 

May 11, 2015

You shouldn't look at it that way, bro. I've moved around and traveled a lot too, and that's what makes you socially gifted and accepted.

People actually become quite fond of someone that's been around and seen things. It means you got a story to tell, and people gravitate towards a person that has seen and been through things.

 

May 11, 2015

im anti social but only because over the years ive moved all over up and down the country living with my mum also i dont have a job yeah your right ive met heaps of people but they all seem to walk n and out out my life most people if they do come to see me wont stay they will see me once and keep their distance am i the f---ing problem man everyday i tell ya spend all day in this room and only go for a walk when i get payed no one comes to see me but thats why i stay on forums etc listen to beats watch movies its not much of a life iu know but i used to have a life its just everythings really f---ing expensive and im on a benefit which only pays so much and u gotta pay board lol

 

May 11, 2015

ive had so many so called friends i dont smoke though do drugs i notice alot of people in my town are liek that everyone talks differently over here i grew up in the early 90s 2000's its really hard to adapt to this hoping soon i will get a car and job and be able to go places without walking everywhere and make new freinds but until then this is life

 

May 11, 2015

I don't smoke or do drugs either. I'm black but "I sound white." I'll be 29 in 9 days.

Trust me, I know a thing or two about adaptation lol.

 

May 11, 2015

got other problems too i basically am the package lol im bi polar which i get from my dads side my mum is dyslexic and so am i i have trouble doing stuff like numarcy etc i have a condition called tight phimois which is getting better but il let u Google that one and im on a mission to keep eating everyday cause i starved my self a few years back and im soooooooo skinny even though i eat hard lots of food still not a lot of gainage

 

May 11, 2015

So true. I finally did MDMA a couple of weekends ago and it was like I had an epiphany lol. I've always had issues with feeling connected and not being in direct contact with my emotions but that night was crazy, never felt emotions so intense in my life. Call it corny, but love and empathy is the answer. The real ones know this.

And no, i'm not saying I have derived this way of thinking solely from an artificial experience like that. I've always felt that way at my core but that experience just further solidified my ideas.

 

May 11, 2015

I've had bi polar friends and a bi polar girlfriend. They all made my life very fun and most of them are smart as h---.

I know all about that skinny life. I barely made the cut off weight just to join the military back in '07. They made me sit at a special table just so I could have more time to eat and digest more food. First time I ever had someone yell at me during breakfast, I BETTER SEE PEANUT BUTTER ON EVERYTHING YOU EAT, TRAINEE!

 

May 11, 2015

lol d--- haha i did have a girlfriend in 2013 i keep looking back on that year it feels like i was surrounded byu good friends and people or even fake friends but just being able to talk to people and see them meant something my gfs friends we would drink together get really drunk make out i was having so much fun then we moved (me my mum n sis ) to another part of town and she went with some one else i had a another gf recently but she decided she wanted to stay single after we had sex she wasn't very straight up about it but its cool ah life and its crap haha im 21 i feel too old now to do anything lol fml

 

May 11, 2015

I can't blame my parents for me trying to k--- myself. It was my decision, and one I've thought about a lot since then. There really wasn't anything they could have done differently either, except maybe not put me on the medication I tried to off myself with out of the blue, but that was just about their only remaining option since I was such a problem child and they'd tried everything else.

And I can recognize them, but I don't know that I'll ever quite conquer them. My problems are deep rooted and aren't just with me, but also with society and it's unreasonable expectations, ridiculously unrealistic standards and irrational judgements. I don't think I'll ever k--- myself now, not only because I just don't have it in me anymore, but also because I have something to work towards with my life. I've also sort of come to terms with myself and who I am, but a lot of my issues with things in life probably won't go away.

 

May 11, 2015

21 was my rebirth year. I turned my life around and didn't look back.

8 years later I have a 5 month old son, a Japanese wife, making six figures and two world martial arts championships under my belt.

All I'm saying is you got a lot of life left to live.

 

May 11, 2015

I didn't mean to come off as putting blame on anyone.

You would be surprised what just the act of recognizing and acknowledging problems will do for you.

The s--- in bold is out of your control. I've learned the more patience I have with myself, the more obsolete and irrelevant society's standards/expectations become.

 

May 11, 2015

Suicide is unnatural imo, your basic human instinct is to survive; people should not be allowed to suicide, the focus should 100% be on help

 

May 11, 2015

I dont understand why anyone would want to commit suicide
Like if you really plan on doing this it means you dont care if you die, so why not go do whatever you want
If i was in this situation i would do all kinds of r-----ed s--- i would normally never do
This way you would probably find some joy back in your life

 

May 11, 2015

Mental illness related suicide is really sad. It's something most only understand if they've been through it themselves, be it attempted suicide, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. It should never be labelled as a selfish or cowardly act.

 

May 11, 2015

90% that do so are mentally unstable or are dying from a terminal illness

 

May 12, 2015

This is an incredibly tricky subject and definitely one that doesn't have a simple black & white answer. I've had some personal experience with this and let me tell you that when you're in this state, there are no rational thoughts. A few months back I was diagnosed as clinically depressed (I would also have panic attacks) and I was then properly medicated. It changed my life, but at times I do enjoy experimenting with this medication and purposely going off it for a week or so and end up getting really depressed/suicidal. It's funny because even though in my head I know the only reason that I'm depressed is because I'm off the medication--when I'm in that state, it doesn't matter. All logic and rationale thoughts are gone, even when I'm doing the test on myself. It's a weird f---ing disease and so even though I believe it's wrong and I'll never do it, I do understand how some people can be pushed to that point of no return.

 

May 12, 2015

I think it's selfish to the people you leave behind. But if the person is in enough pain where there was no other way out and they tried to seek as much help as possible then it's tough. Some girl last week who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer flew to NYC and jumped of the George Washington Bridge. Every state should allow assisted suicide to prevent things like this. If someone's in enough pain with no other way out it's way more selfish to keep them here while they suffer