How are these lyrics? Seriously answer.

Started by Fanzik, Jun 23, 2015, in Creative Add to Reading List

  1. Fanzik
    Posts: 52
    Likes: 15
    Joined: Apr 17, 2015

    Jun 23, 2015
    Wrote it to this beat:

    The black clovers fall
    Homeless men sleepin' on pavements
    Blue-collar men weepin' over payments
    Happy-go-lucky turnin' stoic
    Bloodshed reflectin' on the pad of this poet
    I'm observant, but never so heroic
    Guilty as charged, but this life - I can't throw it
    I feel powerless
    Vowed to help the fatherless
    Want to help myself
    Or so I thought
    Focused on my well-being, my own net-worth
    In utter disgust, I stare myself in the mirror
    The picture by day is less and less clearer
    My prayers are how I've coped and dealt
    But dear Lord, I repent for how I've felt

    Constructive criticism, family.
     
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  2. Fanzik
    Posts: 52
    Likes: 15
    Joined: Apr 17, 2015

    Jun 26, 2015
    bump
     
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  3. Bman
    Posts: 1,792
    Likes: 1,591
    Joined: Mar 8, 2015

    Jun 26, 2015
    I really liked that. Have you written a hook?
     
    #3
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  4. Fanzik
    Posts: 52
    Likes: 15
    Joined: Apr 17, 2015

    Jun 27, 2015
    Nah, sometimes I just write a 16 and move on.
     
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  5. The Eclipse
    Posts: 122
    Likes: 31
    Joined: Nov 26, 2014

    Jun 30, 2015
    I like this. Keep it up.
     
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  6. CODEiNE DEMON
    Posts: 17,759
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    Joined: Dec 26, 2014
    Location: Somewhere out in Texas making bread

    CODEiNE DEMON One foot stuck in the tarpit of my ways

    Jun 30, 2015
    Rap this s--- bro. Words ain't s--- without a flow you feel me?
     
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