Aug 20, 2015

I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder around age 10. Depression started when I was 11. I lived in a pretty bad home environment with a single parent who was in poor health. He passed unexpectedly when I was 15. From 15 to 18 my anxieties increased a tenfold. I found my Dad when he passed away, which left me with some serious post-traumatic stress related issues. Sleeping s----d because I had nightmares. I became hypersensitive to a lot of things. Feelings, smells, people, environments, etc. all acted as triggers to the PTSD symptoms.

When I was in the 12th grade I couldn't go a day without having a panic attack. The only place I was comfortable was at home (my grandparents house), alone, in my bedroom. Something as small as being with a group of friends and the attention shifting to solely myself would cause a panic attack. Walking down crowded halls was near impossible. My face would flush, forehead, underarms soaked with sweat. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night due to a panic attack. Jolted awake from sleep, mouth dry, mind racing, soaked in sweat, disoriented. etc. At school I'd excuse myself to the washroom whenever I could feel it coming on (borderlining, is what I liked to call it) run some cold water over my wrists and attempt to talk myself down from it. It was a really rough time. Eventually, after 7 years of anxiety/depression and PTSD related symptoms, and 6 months of near-daily panic attacks, I decided to seek medical help. My doctor put me on Zoloft (Sertraline) and recommended me to a therapist in an attempt to lessen my anxiety. I initially was on a 25mg dose, but it wasn't until a year later when I started taking 150mg daily that the panic and anxiety fully subsided.

In short, go to the doctor. Get your s--- checked. The fix might be something as simple as taking an SSRI or talking to a therapist once in a while. Wait too long and put it off and eventually you'll find yourself in a very dark place.

I now wake up happy everyday. I can't remember a time in my life where I was as level headed and clear minded as I have been the past year.

 

Aug 20, 2015

I get really bad physical anxiety when I'm in a new situation or amongst a new group of people. I'll start to sweat a little and then the sweat will make me feel embarrassed (even though it's not that noticeable) so I'll stop making eye contact. It just makes for an unmcomfortable situation. I used to deal with it by going on like hour long runs, but I've recently hurt my knee. Now I just go to the gym and try to work out as hard as I can. I feel like the anxiety is extra energy, and by working out and using that up and staying at regular energy. Other than that I've just come to accept its who I am. Does it s---? Yes. But I don't let it get in the way. I started going to toastmasters meetings a couple of months ago but had to stop cause of work and therapy for my knee. Those helped a fair amount so I might take them back up again. I haven't looked into medicine but I'd really rather not, I'm not too fond of the side effects and I'm a little bit fearful that it'll change me lol.

 

Aug 20, 2015

I had bad anxiety, Learnt to cope when I found out I was the one who was creating the anxiety and its severity depended on my thoughts and if I just kept telling myself I'm the one who's stopping myself or creating this outragous thoughts ect, I learnt how to stop Anxiety/Depression by just thinking happier, Sounds weird ik. Exercise and Outlets help alot and if anyone ever needs to talk holla, talking is good when you got anxiety and s---

 

Aug 20, 2015

Generally Happy for you man

 

Aug 20, 2015

I tend to get slight social anxiety around large social groups of people i dont know, it's not really bad, but i tend to go quiet and feel on edge and i start getting worried about stupid s--- like how im sitting or where i'm looking, it's cool if they're random people who arent actually in a social environment with me, or if im with mostly friends but otherwise....

This s--- gets really bad when i smoke weed as well, so i don't do that much anymore....

 

Aug 20, 2015

Yeah, I had to take propranolol (beta blocker) for a group presentation last semester where money was on the line. The doctor said take half a tablet but I took 3 whole ones cause I know my s--- is bad. I couldn't even feel my heart lol, I was tired for the rest of the day too. I had to go to a walk in clinic to get those cause my parents are close-minded about that stuff so I didn't go to the family doctor. I knew what I wanted but I had to play stupid since I just couldn't go up in there and tell her give me propranolol. I think I played my part a little too well (and was sweating since I was lying) and the doctor gave it to me but told me to come back for a psychological evaluation

I never went back though, f--- that. I don't wanna be on meds =\

It's constantly on my mind too because I'm in school for teaching. One on one I'm amazing at explaining concepts and have a passion for helping, but it's in front of groups where I spaz. I'm still undergrad so I've thought about switching majors to something safe like computers, but I really do wanna follow my dreams. I believe in myself but I always have that lingering thought about when I have to start student teaching and then actually do job interviews. I wanna do ESL teaching though and the ESL kids are usually more tame, so hopefully it won't be too bad.

 

Aug 21, 2015

Yep this is exactly like me. I'm not good at putting myself outside of my comfort zone at all. I'm slowly becoming more social and outgoing but I'm still far from becoming 'normal'. I generally over-think scenarios too much and that causes negative thoughts. Generally start to sweat and have butterflies in my stomach when that happens which of course like you said, results in little-to-no conversing and no eye contact.

 

Aug 20, 2015

Sounds f---ing rough man, i grew up in a similar environment, but my mum, as close as she came, never ended up passing away, i would be in a totally different state if it weren't for that i think

Good job making it through dude, some people don't make it out of that place at all, keep killing it

 

Aug 20, 2015

Thanks man

I definitely gotta practice. I used to be pretty introverted until I started doing customer service jobs and that helped now that I look back on it. I'll probably sign up for toastmasters again and practice with friends and family like you said. That way it won't look like I just finished playing a full game of basketball after my presentation lmao

 

Aug 20, 2015

As long as you believe in yourself dude dont let the thoughts get in the way. Take the thoughts and own them. Prove to yourself that you're capable at being a teacher and speak infront of groups and s---, Trying practising infront of friends or something so you can get better adapted to them types of situations. And from the perspective of a student (which we both are) the best teachers are always the relate able and passionate ones. As long as you show your passion which You have they'll connect and the group talks will come naturally

 

Aug 20, 2015

Yeah, sometimes when I look over at the ground of a tall building my knees start to shake, even if it's just a peek over I'm like f--- that.

 

Aug 20, 2015

Medicine for s--- like this do long term damage because they f--- up your brain chemical pattern and stuff.

 

Aug 20, 2015

Yeah I've got pretty bad paranoia and anxiety but I think it's really been emphasized from doing too much drugs. I try to cope with it by sort of realizing and accepting that it's just that - anxiety.

Like for a basic example you'll be scared of walking across a bridge because it might collapse but I'll combat that with reality telling myself 1000 people cross this bridge every day it's all in my head... if that makes sense.

I think i mainly just needa chill out on drugs to be honest. They don't help at all.