Sep 14, 2015

As a Tinder vet, I've wanted to write this for a while.

JFK's thoughts on Tinder:

• Probably my favorite app. It's entertainment.
• The app gets a bad reputation for its hookup culture, but I truly think it's an extremely efficient way to meet people.
  
• It can be used purely for entertainment purposes, to find your future spouse, or (gasp) hook up.
• Everyone has romantic intent. It removes the friction of awkward interactions. It's easy to stand out.
  
• People say claim the Yes/No action is superficial, but I can honestly learn more about a woman & her personality based on wittiness in responses, conversation skills, and ability to appear intelligent.
  
• With moments, Tinder has gradated from a simple dating app to it's own social network.
  
• Beware of extremely attractive girls who use Tinder to stroke their ego. These are my least favorite people on Tinder.
• Tinder is different depending on location. Girls in Nashville were much more open to meeting right away than Kansas City.
• I've gotten numbers just from using emojis. It's a fun game.
• However, I hate getting phone numbers unless I want to seriously meet. I forget who these girls are if their pictures aren't next to our messages.
  
• I'm best/most creative with Tindering after a few beers. Buzzed JFK is a casanova.
• Roughly half of my Snapchat friends are Tinder girls. Snapchat is a great was to continue the conversation and mass message girls.
• I've met some great people through Tinder.

JFK's Tinder tips (pre-match):

• Be good looking.
• Your first picture should be just of you. Semi-close up of your face. Don't look like a serial killer. 90% of the time, girls don't look at your profile or other photos. This one needs to count. Look f---ing cute.
• Other pictures should include any of the following: a full body shot, an athletic shot, a hobby, pictures with friends, pictures with other girls, picture in a suit/shirt & tie, picture with a dog. Don't include: picture with babies, picture with wife, drunk pictures, stupid photoshopped pictures, memes, etc. Each picture should convey a talking point and present the most attractive version of yourself.
• Your bio should be short, but needs to hit a few points: You need to display high self worth while being witty at the same time. Maybe include your profession & location if it's something to be proud of. My bio is "I have both a savings account and a Netflix account. Design + KC".
• If a girl messages me first (hardly ever, but I don't really give them a chance), it's either something about Netflix, my smile, or a funny picture I have with my friends in matching shirts. If a girl messages me "Hey how are you", it's a red flag. So boring.
• Be selective. Don't swipe right on ugly or fat girls. You'll regret it later.
• A girl's attractiveness level inversely correlates with her willingness to hook up.
  
• A girl's attractiveness level directly correlates with your effort in standing out. Hot girls match with EVERY guy they swipe right on, and EVERY one of those guys is trying their hardest to get in her pants. Be creative.
• 30% of the accounts I see on Tinder are spam, report them and make Tinder a better place.
• Beware of transexuals on Tinder. They don't always specify on their profile. DANGER!
• Don't match with too many girls at once. It becomes overwhelming.
• Don't abuse Tinder moments. I post one every couple of weeks and it's usually something cool I'm doing rather than a bathroom selfie.
• Be good looking.

JFK's Tinder tips (post-match)

• ALL girls are using Tinder for entertainment first and foremost. Your job is to entertain them above all else.
• At all times, try to message her when she's online. It'll usually say "Active X minutes ago". Evening is also a good messaging time.
• Message first. Almost zero girls start conversations.
• DO NOT OPEN WITH "HEY" OR "HOW ARE YOU" OR "YOU'RE SO PRETTY"
• Unless she has something great you can reference in her profile, find a good opener and stick to it. It should be short and creative. It should evoke a response. Maybe a question. Maybe a harsh statement. You should stand out.
• "Let's elope" is my go-to opener. Gets a positive response nearly 100% of the time. From there, we usually plan our fake elopement and eventually graduate to real conversation. It's simple. It's harmless. It's entertaining. It's easy to respond to. It's creative without implying I spent too much effort on typing a paragraph. I've been told many times it's the best line they've ever received.
• For the love of Yeezus, USE PROPER GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. Your intelligence level is literally measured by your ability to use there, their, and they're.
• Don't use too many emojis, if any at all.
• Keep the conversation light. Keep it playful. Poke jabs at her. Don't be a nice guy. Evoke responses. Put creativity into every message.
• Keep your messages concise. Nobody has time to read a book.
• Keep it sexual, but don't get too dirty either. Instead of sexual acts, I always suggest cuddling instead. Sex is implied. Always keep the sexual talk backhanded. "Fine, we can cuddle for a bit but I'm making a pillow wall between us". Instead of asking her to sleep with me, I tell her she can sleep on the couch or the porch. Being forward/oversexualizing is better than not bringing it up, but too crazy will scare half your matches off. Doing it backhanded covers both sides and helps you figure out what kind of girl you're dealing with.
• Make her sell herself to you.
• Don't be hypnotized by attractiveness. If she sucks at messaging, she probably sucks in real life.
• Don't send too many messages in a row. If she isn't responding, be patient. Nothing worse than a needy Tinderer.
• Good conversation topics: Your future wedding, Her job, Your job as a "professional underwear model", Netflix, Reason they're on Tinder, Alcohol, Creating a fake reason as to why you met, etc.
• Instead of asking her boring interview questions, start making assumptions. "You look like a nurse", "You don't look like you're from around here", "Do you live near downtown?". This gives you multiple things to talk about with each question.
• If she hasn't responded in a week, I usually say "Well you really dropped the ball on this conversation", or "You missed our flight" (if we were talking elopement earlier).
• Responding to moments with a simple heart-eyes emoji can work wonders.
• If you absolutely want to meet, get her number quickly. Simply say "3135553011 Tinder sucks, text me". Graduating from Tinder to her digits is a big step. You're not longer a random dude from Tinder. You're in her life. You can also use their number to become Snapchat or Facebook friends.
• I hardly EVER give out my number first. It's a little needy. I enjoy using Tinder to message unless I really want to meet. When they offer their number, I always say "You can expect a text within 3-5 business days". When I text them I say "Good news, your text has been delivered early"
• Use Snapchat to your advantage.
• A technique I've fell into is chatting A LOT immediately after matching, then suddenly becoming more and more unavailable after getting their number. They usually start begging to meet me. I don't really do this on purpose, I just lose interest quickly and don't have much time to actually take these girls out.
• When you do ask them out, suggest drinks. Not dinner. Beware of girls asking you to take them to dinner. Sit at the bar, make her feel comfortable, touch her thigh, shoulder, and back. Make her laugh. Do your thing.
• If you're meeting her out at the bars, ask her to buy you a drink.
• If that's too much effort (not a lot of girls are worth leaving the house for), invite her over/go to her place for wine/drinks. "Netflix & chill" is a real thing.
• If you're done talking to these girls, don't "break up" with them. You were never official. Slowly stop responding until you're both on the same page. Some people hate it, but it's effective and keeps you two on good terms.
• Be good looking.

You can thank me later.

 

Sep 14, 2015

Have cringed a lot so far, keep it up guys

 

Jul 2, 2017

My Tinder story:
Last summer I went on vacation to Australia for two weeks. I was swiping on Tinder mostly looking for weed and friends. So I was mostly judging based on if it looked like they were stoners or might know some. I matched a really cute alt girl with pink hair. We talked and moved the convo to instagram, and met two days later just for lunch. We hit it off so we met for drinks the next night, and again on Friday. We ended up drinking at a park and I took her back to my hotel and we made out, watched cartoons and slept together.

From that night on, I basically spent all of my time hanging around with her, since I didnt have much of an itinerary or travel plans. In fact, I stayed at her flat for my entire second week there. We f----- that weekend and pretty much everyday after. We smoked a lot, took LSD and ate dank food every night, it was a dream. On my birthday, we decided to call it a relationship and date. A few days later, I had to leave.

Fast forward to March, she saved up enough money to move in with me to a new apartment in Tokyo. And today is our 11 month mark. I have Tinder to thank for the best thing ever happening to me, by complete chance, while in vacation in a country I had never been to before.

 

Jun 1, 2017

you should hire @JFK to ghost write for you. This could be the online version of that movie Hitch

 

Jul 2, 2017

wut was his name?

 

Jun 1, 2017

I'm surprised this hasn't happened yet. If you do it, I want to be there for the client consultations. You don't even have to pay me.

"Hi Bob. Based on your looks and personality we're gonna go ahead and hook you up with the chubby emo girl package. It's really your best bet with what you have to offer."

 

Jun 1, 2017

Your first mistake was thinking Tinder was for anything except hooking up. Usually don't find your soul mate from swiping right on a photo of her making a duck face and squeezing her breasts together.

 

Sep 14, 2015

Its better if I put the lines in context with the whole convo

Dont have my phone on me right now but these are some that span back a few months ago. Just be forward and cheeky, these girls are advertising their punanis on a superficial app FFS, don't even do that take it slow shiit or give them the. Didnt smash but got all of these girls numbers, this is just an example

 

Jun 1, 2017

timmy.............................

 

Jun 1, 2017

These type of messages are really boring and generic. It's like you're a telemarketer reading your company pre approved pitch to people you're cold calling. I try to keep messages funny and entertaining as long as I can. She probably gets the same messages from the other 100 guys she just matched with. Ghosting is normal. It will happen to you and you'll do it to others. Competition is tough out in these online streets

 

May 30, 2017

I still haven't beaten the game yet, but I've smashed like 8 or so bosses on it so far, so I must be nearing the endgame. I wouldn't call it easy though, this MILF Boss I encountered, whew, that s--- was f-----... Almost immediately after matching she messages me "you must be at least level 35 IRL if you want sex" like s---, i'm only level 24 this boss gonna take 10 years to beat.

Also been noticing this bug lately... I think my graphics card glitches out and I match with girls whose graphics are like literal 1/10's.

 

Sep 15, 2015

 

Sep 14, 2015

Thinking about writing a Tinder book. You guys get free copies.

 

Sep 14, 2015

@JFK with the post of the year god d---.

 

Jul 2, 2017

Craig and he was a gentle 37 year-old primary school teacher.

 

Jun 1, 2017

I've honestly thought about starting this service

 

Sep 14, 2015

Well f---

 

Jul 3, 2017

Australian girls letting dudes sink the piss on the first date I heard