Mar 4, 2015

So I've been just playing around and s---. Rapping for fun. Releasing nothing. IDK what Im making but I made this track and its not finished btu so far Im liking it. So I thought I'd share. Constructive feedback is always appreciated. Thanks for giving me a play.

LINK -
http://picosong.com/2uY9/

Lyrics -
As I, journey into the future of a wonderful world

holy s---, just think how wonderful that would be

get to see my opportunities before they were even pursued by me

life has so many experiences but also has many tricks and s---

like when something doesn’t work out and you just want to forget it

like what the f--- should i do now? (i don’t know?)

what the f--- did you want from me? why the f--- did you play me?

or did you actually tell the truth when you said you liked me

i don’t know, and things are confusing right now

probably should turn and run but i guess I’m just foolish right now

but i guess i got too caught up in you ignoring me right now

probably about to blow up your phone and scare you away about now

my only thoughts seem to drift towards you

and i know d--- well when you come back to me i will give in

might even get hurt again too

I just hope when i look back i remember the good memories

instead of looking back at my life and only remembering tragedies


chorus

oooooh what a wonderful ohhhh ohhh

I see skys of blue oho ohhhh

I think to my self ohhh

what a wonderful world ohhh

oooooh what a wonderful ohhhh ohhh

do i want to be with you oho ohhhh

I think to my self ohhh

what a wonderful world ohhh

 

Mar 4, 2015

Keep prepubescent relations out of music

 

Mar 4, 2015

what?

 

Mar 4, 2015

That said you like me makes you sound like a 12 year old in their first relationship

 

Mar 4, 2015

Thanks 4 da listen bruh

 

Mar 4, 2015

why the black font? u not on the dark theme my n-----?

 

Mar 4, 2015

nope

 

Mar 5, 2015

@Narsh can you check this out and feed it please?

 

Mar 5, 2015

thought the choppy was a lot like modern day em, which isnt really a good thing. you made it fit a lot of the times tho so props for that. you need to enunciate your words A LOT more. do you have a lisp when you speak? because it sounds like you do when you spit. maybe its a result of the way your recording (if youre sitting down/not really trying etc).

the writing is too straightforward some times ("did you mean it? everything feels confusing right now" part is bad)

hook was pretty cool tbh

 

Mar 5, 2015

Delivery is definitely the biggest issue here, rapping voice needs work, and even though i can understand every word which is good, i still feel it every time you slur
Flow was interesting and you made it work
Lyrics arent too bad, but it doesnt really feel like they're going anywhere, needs more direction and structure
hook was dope but your vocals on it weren't impactful enough, needs more oomph

Also did you produce it yourself? Production is dope, especially the strings on the hook