Best Posts: who else got beat as a kid?

Criza Malone Hamilton · Jan 6, 2016

Jan 6, 2016

Mike Tyson said

he influence our whole style of posting, RIP to v white before him
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d---. We as a forum, aint good enough for vwhite posts. Legendary

Mike Tyson · Jan 6, 2016

Jan 6, 2016

johnny waverock said

So I'll start this off by stating that I never met my grandfather because he passed away before I was born, but after hearing about some of the wraths he laid on my relatives, he might be the single most formative figure in my life, for fear of me catching a beating from the spirit world on his behalf.

Some background: My father is one of 7 (four sons, three daughters). Plus they lived with their grandmother, so that's 10 bodies in one home including my grandparents. Needless to say, with that many bodies, there's gonna be mayhem if the house lacks law and order. That's where grandpa comes in.

So here's a story to illustrate:

The story is set in my father's childhood home during the '70s. My father shares a room with his younger brother, my father being 12 years old an his younger brother being 8 years old. Their oldest brother is home from his first semester of college on winter break, and he's staying in the room with my dad and the youngest brother, for lack of more room in their house. Now this brother is in college, 18 years old, he's a college athlete, 6'7" weighs about 210. Grown.

My grandfather isn't as big, but he's no slouch physically. At this point he's in his mid 40's at this point and he's 6'4" weighs about 240. These physical attributes will play a part later in the story.

So our story is set on a Sunday morning. This is a devout Catholic family, so church is a forgone conclusion every Sunday morning, barring a natural disaster. The Sunday morning ritual, is that my grandfather would wake up and, on his way to the bathroom to shower and shave, would wake everyone up. This morning is no different. He wakes up, walks down the hallway and wakes all the siblings up, before stopping at the end of the hallway where my dad and his brother's are sleeping.

He opens the door and says, "Wake up boys, we're leaving for church in 30 minutes." Now my dad and younger brother know the drill, they get up and start getting ready for church, but they notice that their older brother hasn't moved. They're like "Hey get up for church," and he's like "f--k outta here, I don't go to church anymore. I'm the man."

So my grandfather finishes his shower and before he starts shaving he checks that everyone is up and getting ready, and he see's that my uncle is still in bed. So he says, "hey, get up and get ready for church, you've got 20 minutes." He then goes and shaves. Meanwhile, my dad and the younger brother are almost fully dressed, they're on their older brother like, "Yo, I hope you know what you're doing. We can't help you if he goes off on you." But, as you could guess, my uncle is still on some f--k it s--- and he doesn't get up.

So my grandfather finishes shaving, goes and puts on his Sunday best, and then comes back to make sure my uncle gets his insubordinate a--- out of bed. He comes in again, my uncle still in bed, and says, "For the last time, get up and get ready for church." Now here is where the story get's lit.

My uncle says, "No... Make me." (basically the verbal form of this: )
And now my dad and the younger brother are standing on the side of the room like:
And my grandfather is looking in the doorway like:

Then my grandfather snaps, and walks over to the bed. Now mind you, the beds in this room are old school trundle beds. So my uncle is sleeping the upper bed that's about waste high on my grandfather. So he, in all his dad/old-man mighty strength, grabs my uncle and all the sheets he's wrapped in, and hurls him across the room, through the sliding closet doors, on some Pike's Market s---

Except instead of a frozen salmon, imagine it being a 6'7", 210 lb man.

So he's laying there with his upper body on the floor and his legs up in the air on the closet door, wrapped up in the sheets. To add insult to injury and punishment, the closet shelves collapse and all the contents of the shelf come raining down on my uncle.

So now he's a miserable pile of limbs, bed sheets, books, board games and clothes.

And my grandfather, like the boss he was, calmly says, "the car is leaving for church in 5 minutes, I expect you to be there," and then he walks out of the room.

My dad and his younger brother are sitting there like .

My uncle slowly evaluates his life and he decides to get dressed and go to church with everyone.

Now my dad says that my grandfather was a genius because if that whole scene wasn't enough to motivate him to behave, every time he went into the closet from that point on, it was a little bit f----- up because the slots for the door got kinked, so he was reminded not to disrespect his father every time he ever went into the closet for anything.

The beating that kept on beating.
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this story is amazing it deserves it's own thread for the look hahahaha. sucks that it's buried on the last page of this thread

johnny waverock · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Mike Tyson said

dead a---. my mom never got me the ps3 when it dropped, i was rattled.

ay, ay, mom. hey. MOM. MOM! come back here! mom!
u disloyal fool a--- b---- made punk
MOM!
i need my money
MOM
you think you can do this to me?
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"I'm good. I'm STILL winning!"
I never got hands or anything from my parents, but my grandmother (dad's mom) would threaten and follow through with beathing us with numerous objects. Legendary disciplinary incidents involving a wooden spoon or a fly-swatter. The fly-swatter was gross because she would only take head shots and only god knows what was on the swatter.

My pops has some incredible stories of beatings he and his siblings caught from my grandmother and grandfather. I'm about to write an @ODB style essay about my grandfather throwing my uncle through a closet door. Stay tuned.

rapmusik · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Sliver said

I heard him go "UGH!"
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reminds me of the time when I was younger when I was swinging the broom around and accidentally bagged my dad

Mike Tyson · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

johnny waverock said

Just imagining you as a kid yelling at your family like, "I RUN s--- HERE! YOU JUST LIVE HERE!"
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dead a---. my mom never got me the ps3 when it dropped, i was rattled.

ay, ay, mom. hey. MOM. MOM! come back here! mom!
u disloyal fool a--- b---- made punk
MOM!
i need my money
MOM
you think you can do this to me?

rapmusik · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Nori said

My mom touched me with a boiling hot spoon once
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I'm so sori nori

Sliver · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Immy said

This little s--- was like 2 at the time and he had yogurt on his face. I remember giving him such a death stare
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Use to be bigger into online gaming, I've wanted to Adam Venatieri my cat a few times for knocking the internet out lol.

Sliver · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Immy said

My cousin turned off my 360 when I was balls deep in a skyrim quest. I wanted to send him to heaven man
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I hate that s---, my bro was going nuts wanting to give our lil cousin the fade for disconnecting the internet when he was on some big money mission on his xbox. Was lowkey funny watching him tryna keep the fact the kid is 7 in perspective lol.

Immy · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Mike Tyson said

what are you?

also what color do you look like/what do people always assume you are?
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My mom is White/Italian and Indian my Dad is Jamaican/Danish(i think)

I get asked what I am loads, I just say mix-race and then explain all of my families heritage

Meero · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016
i will never hit my child

Immy · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Mike Tyson said

i lightly slapped my 2 year old nephew last weekend for ripping up some flowers and then he started crying and hugged me and i had to hold him till he stopped. I'm never hitting him again s--- was depressing. :mjcry:
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My cousin turned off my 360 when I was balls deep in a skyrim quest. I wanted to send him to heaven man

Sliver · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

*set to "Smack My b---- Up" by The Prodigy*

Meero · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016
My mom bit me in my hand when i was like 7

Mike Tyson · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Poohdini said

Nope haha. He grew up in England, moved to Chicago right before getting married to my mom. He's basically Jason Statham without the 6-pack.
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that explains it

you should email your stories to Bill Burr for "F is For Family" season 2. your childhood sounds hilarious

reD10S · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016
Not me I knew I was the man of the house by the age of 6.

Mike Tyson · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Poohdini said

As baby Pooh I used to get those hard a--- spankings if I was out of line from my mom & dad. As I got older, sometimes my mom would just straight up put hands on me, and eventually graduating to common kitchen utensils like wooden spoons & spatulas.

My pops was more old fashioned, but just as creative. I could write a legit short story on all of our battles. Anything from blind side shots, slap boxing, head locks, wrestling, dead legs, nothing was off the table. One time he'd asked why I hadn't mowed the lawn yet, I was like well, I just woke up. Wrong answer. He ran up on me, pulled my hoodie over my head and hit me with a barrage of head and body shots. Ended up mowing the lawn and cleaning the f--king gutters. He was probably a little over the top and overreacted on at least a dozen occasions, but I love him and understand it was coming from a good place, especially considering the smart a---/dickhead I used to be when talking to him sometimes.
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are you black?

there's no way you're white your dad is a legend

Mike Tyson · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016
my dad is pretty tough, he's 55+ now and goes to the gym daily. but i play hockey and i'm in my physical prime so i would obviously win if it came to hands (not that i would ever hit my dad)

BUT a friend of mine got constant beatings until he graduated high school and moved out, he was 18+. dude was 6'1" but skinny as s---. his dad was the same height and his arms were like f---ing legs b. i feel bad for him

Poohdini · Jan 5, 2016

Jan 5, 2016

Mike Tyson said

word i used to go on "denzel washington in training day" level power trips when i realized i was finally the toughest person in my household

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Man I did the same s---, my dad called my bluff and hit me with the sneakiest & most brutal headlock of all time. My only defense was the double leg take down.

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