Oct 25, 2015

So, I think this is my first thread here...english is not my first language so excuse me, I think that i really need some orientation.

Well, first of all I'm in my second year of college, I'm 20...Back in my high school years and in my first year of college i was very stupid with girls, i did have a gf but i don't like to count that because (even when she was my gf for almost 2 years) we didn't really behave like a couple. The thing is that last year I met this girl in college, and I kind of saw her like the perfect one, we had the same tastes, we thought almost the same about politics and other serious stuff and both of us saw the other one as the only person that really gets everything. The problem is that i fell in love, and she did not. I didn't know how to let her know she gave me some mixed signals but i just cared more about the friendship. Also, she was very strange about love, i never knew if she loved someone or even if she had a crush with someone. At the begining of this year, i tried to see her reaction by telling her that "i had a crush on her but that was in the past" and since then i saw the trust that she had, destroyed. Now I'm a different man, i regret a lot of that time, but I can't stop thinking about this problem: I really don't love her like before, i don't mind if she get married or something as long as she is happy. But i can't take the idea that she is the only person who is 100% perfect for me and the only one who i see myself married to in the future, and the contradiction that everybody says you should find someone complementary, not the same s--- that you are. The worst part is that every day that passes i become more indiferent not only with this situation, but with love in general. I can't find another girl with who i can talk about litterature, philosophy, art, ideas and dreams as i used to talk with her. So...do you think i should forget about her being the perfect one and see her only as a friend (as she sees me)?.. what do you think i should do??

 

Oct 25, 2015

People are weird, maybe she'll eventually come around, maybe she won't. Whether you're in a relationship or in a friendship, this seems like someone I wouldn't leave behind.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Yeah...that's the deal, I mean she is my best friend, by far....but I want to see her just like that, as a friend and nothing more, I don't want her out of my life. The problem is that I can't see a future where both of us can have our lives going independently and still be friends as we are. Like...whenever she gets married or I get married I don't think we could continue with the friendship.

 

Oct 25, 2015

BTW, great forum guys!, I don't post much because of my English but I enjoy a lot being here...

 

Oct 25, 2015

The perfect one will love you back...I don't think you should forget about her though because it's obvious you 2 are really good friends. I'm learning that not everyone you meet, who you build that instant connection with, is the one for you. I had a bf who I just KNEW was going to be the person I married and after 2 years of us dating the relationship ended.

 

Oct 25, 2015

you should post more anyway. we would love to see you post more.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Your English is fine

 

Oct 25, 2015

That's a really good point...how did you overcome the idea of him being the one?

 

Oct 25, 2015

welcome brother

 

Oct 25, 2015

Welcome bruh, if your english ain't too good, that's no problem. Since the people are from all around the world (USA, Greece, France, UK, Saudi Arabia, Australia, etc.), it doesn't really matter fi your english isn't perfect. You'll automatically improve while posting

 

Oct 25, 2015

Keep her close still because she still sounds like a good friend but..
" I can't find another girl with who i can talk about literature, philosophy, art, ideas and dreams as i used to talk with her." I guarantee you can, Plenty of girls out there. I've been "In love" and I thought that this one chick was my entire world and 3 years from that I can see that she wasn't.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Time. I started by thinking about myself....my personality, my moods, my maturity level, my role in the relationship so far,...etc. Once I had a good understanding of who I was with this person i thought about the same things with him.

Over time I came to realize that I would have been miserable in a long term relationship with this person. Even though we shared some CRAZY similarities, I understood that

1. I was not in love with this person...i did love him however, but that passionate, unconditional love was not there

2. It also didn't help that he was a cheating b------ after a couple of months of us dating.

Once the image was destroyed, I was able to move on.

But I understand you guys are different, right now you are friends and I think maybe because of her past she is incapable of moving on from it to see how perfect you 2 would be.

If she is worth it, I'd give her time...and just continue to show her that you are there for her, without compromising who you are off course.

And I also forgot congrats on making it to your second year of college, I remember those days. This situation was going on during my second year of college...Just don't give up if it gets overwhelming.


And I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from about growing indifferent to love...I battle everyday with the idea that it doesn't exist.

 

Oct 25, 2015

I'm not gonna speak for everyone but I think humans are complicated and stupid when I say you can be completely over it and fall in love with someone else and be happy and still, memories of that other person will come about. you can love them but choose to avoid them, as well. i feel like humans can make something out of nothing or by overthinking, especially if the person is just being nice and easy to talk to where everything just flows so well. this can be considered a soulmate, but not the fairytale type. friends can be soulmates.
it just makes it trickier when you put attraction and sex to the mix, I think?
on your own terms if you want to, you have to get this whole other idea out of your head of what every girl should be like(like her), maybe be a little more open and accepting, it can open up more possibilites? and hey, sometimes it's cool when someone doesn't know a subject as well as you do, you can introduce them! it makes it exciting.
hope i made some sense and helped somewhat; welcome btw!

 

Oct 25, 2015

Yeah...i think part of the problem is that i never had a person as similar to me as she is. Maybe that's why i put her on another level, anyways i really need to let everything flow, not overthink about it too much and stop searching those similarities as a checklist for every girl.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Haha that's right! I'm from Ecuador and I've improved my English just by reading this forum...maybe in 2 or 3 months i'll take the TOEFL...also all of you are so cool. Thanks!

 

Oct 25, 2015

Bienvenido hermano Ecuatoriano, aquí hay muchos que hablamos español.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Wow, that was a great reply.... it really gave me a lot to think and you're right, I shouldn't compromise myself just to get to the next step with her, I will let her make her move and if she doesn't I'm happy for being there for her, as a friend... And college it's another story, I'm not as sure with my career as I used to be but I have the time to think something's about it. The love thing is something that really scares me, it's nice to see someone who understands. I really thank you a lot for this.

 

Oct 25, 2015

Gracias! Es bueno saberlo, si por alguna razón se me hace muy difícil lo del inglés voy a comenzar a responder en español...

 

Oct 25, 2015

I really thank you all for your replies, you told me things that have helped a lot and i hope to be more active in this forum from now on...

 

Oct 26, 2015

You're welcome. I'm just glad I could help !